History 200: Not the Class for Me

I've never felt so strongly like I was being dragged kicking and screaming. He was lecturing on what professors do, and different classes of professors. I kept thinking, over and over, "I don't want to do this." I don't want to do a lot of research, teach classes, or publish things that most people are not going to read.
I went into this major keeping in mind that I didn't want to be a professor, but is my major, Family History, really for me? I wonder if switching majors was unwise. My reason for getting out of journalism was to dedicate more of my time to my family, when I get there. I don't want to spend my holidays and nights at the office; I want to be home. But who says that I will have to work when I'm raising young children? And I dearly love journalism. I love advocating for people, and informing the populace. I love bearing news.
I'm afraid that people wouldn't read something I've published as a historian. I'm put off by the elitist environment, and feeling the need to prove myself.
I don't know what I want to do. I'm sure I'll develop a love for family history work, and would do it just because it's a religious obligation and not for my job; but I'm not there yet, and I wonder if I'd love journalism as a profession more. I've met more down-to-earth journalists than professors, and to me the people element is very important.
I will probably have to work; I know that. I just don't know what I want to do, or if the waste of time in switching back would be better in the long run.
My History 400 class, however, is better. I'm more focused on the research portion, and communicating with other researchers, and procedures. I enjoy meticulous procedures when they are necessary. I feel less pressure, too, because she knows that one person can't get everything in 50 hours of research, and I feel that I have the space to be human, just so long as I try. I imagine it can be very exciting and rewarding, although not as present as journalism.
I feel more comfortable in the Family History major when I'm in 400 than 200. Still, I definitely do NOT want to be a professor; it's not my environment, nor does it fit my personality. I don't like being elitist.

Don't Quit While You're a Head; Just Don't Get Ahead of Yourself

While updating the name on my email, I came across something I'd written on Yahoo!Shine. It was a simple write-up of an activity I'd participated in for my Humanities 101 class my first semester in college: The Night of Aesthetic Beauty. Reading it again, I found some gem of knowledge, and began to think about how it applied in my current situation. First, here's the transcript:

"The Night of Aesthetic Beauty

"So, I'd thought that I knew what was going to happen. We were all going to present, and it would be either mediocre or excellent. I expected the talent. I expected the awesome art and songs. What I didn't expect was the different stuff. I didn't expect the movie about how beautiful men are. I didn't expect the wonder of Mary-Celeste's voice. I certainly didn't expect to name my drawing.

"It had always had some sort of unarticulated meaning to me, I'd only show it to people who I was close to. I came to understand it through Emily Dickinson's poem, unofficially titled, "A charm invests a face." I named my drawing "Unveiled." Because it's me, with my imperfections. It's the melodramatic, it's the sad, it's the imperfect. It's also the calm that sometimes I feel. It's this strange happiness that seems to come from nowhere. Imagine explaining that to everyone and everyone, and not having them understand, perhaps writing you off as this or that.

"I realized a few things tonight. I realized how talented everyone is. I had it reaffirmed to me that humility is neither puffing oneself higher, nor pushing oneself lower than where one really is. And that the best things are shared by those who are comfortable where they are, and where they're going.

"It's a good thing, to be at ease where I am. It means I can get where I'm going, and help others get there too. I can also appreciate things as they are."

I've been insecure lately. Perhaps it's because I'm disappointed with myself for not using my time wisely when I get stressed about lack of time, or perhaps it's that my status and my life have completely changed. I have this irrational fear that someone's going to jump out of the shadows just when I'm earning acceptance from my peers and start screaming that I'm a complete failure, and too young, and stupid, and anything else along those lines. I've come to the conclusion that being insecure about where I am and where I'm going is natural, when I'm not sure what the future holds and if people approve of me or not. It's not necessary to be completely confident in an unknown future in order to be humble and confident. It sure helps, though. I probably wouldn't struggle so much with trying to impress others if I felt like I could impress myself.

I know that my lack of self-approval is my perfectionist streak surfacing, and I know it's not healthy. But there could be worse problems. I could be struggling with unbearable clinical depression, or serious physical health issues. I could be homeless, or estranged from my family. My in-laws could hate me. But none of this is going on, and in that I am immensely blessed. But what if my in-laws start to hate me, or think I'm not treating their son well, and shun me? What if they think my lack of a job means that I'm taking advantage of their willingness to support us? I wish I were more of a go-getter as far as jobs go, and had the confidence to ask a lot of people for jobs, to not quit at the first 'no.' Part of me thinks I don't deserve a job, because of my assets. Hearing about all the people who are completely down and out, who need a job but just can't find an opening, I feel like I'd be taking it away from someone else who needs it more. I also worry that with my lack of time management, I'd not get to my homework, and flunk out. That would be a miserable, horrible situation! Adding to homework, I have a household to run now, and it's more work than I anticipated.

Being in a new situation with more responsibilities is a little stressful, and I haven't handled it well. I've become more prideful in order to create a show of confidence that really isn't there. I've been distracted by worrying about the future, instead of working in the present. I've been beating myself down because I feel I've failed in everything that matters. It doesn't help that I've needed to justify to everyone, mostly myself, my change of major. But I should have known from the start what I need to do. Instead of trying to rely on myself, I need to trust and take counsel from God. It's scary, mostly because I fear that I can't listen to or follow inspiration, and also because I want to be in control to prove I'm competent. Again, pride gets in my way.

So here's my game plan. I'm going to work on three things: first, I'm going to make scriptures my priority; secondly, I'm going to start praying morning and evening; and thirdly, I'm going to reassure myself when I worry, and focus on the work ahead of me. The reason for scriptures is that I need to have confidence that God will answer my prayers, because He sees me trying to be obedient. The reason for prayers is that I need to remember to pray for help, and not think I'm all alone. And the reason for the third is self-explanatory.

Reading what I wrote a year ago helped me to shake myself inwardly and rearrange my thinking. I'll likely still have insecurities about my unseen future, but if anything has changed, it's my outlook. Because of the gospel, I can be guided and comforted. I know that reading that note wasn't accidental. It proves to me that God loves me, and that I can feel the Spirit and follow inspiration. And right now, that's what I need to hear.

Genealogy

Well, I'm struggling to find my way in this nearly unintelligible world of the Family History major. I found out today that in order to accredit in my geographical area, I need to know what area I'm doing. I have no idea. I don't know where I'll end up, or if I even need to know that. All I know is that somehow it's all going to work out.

Major Wars

Otherwise entitled, "An Argument With Myself Over Switching Majors for the Third Time."

Being in a writing mood, I started arguing with myself on Facebook. Yes. I did. I blame finals. Anyway, it all started with my status, "...I hate my life right now..." Which was a stupid, emo thing to say--but again, I blame finals. Two of my friends commented, and I felt I had to explain to them what was up. Besides, I needed to vent. So, here's the transcript:

Me: I'm wishing I hadn't switched my major... and finals kills everything. Heck, global warming (or pollution) takes too long! Just have year-round finals!

Me: But my new major has potential. I mean, who wouldn't kill for a good chance to rustle through archives! I've dreamed of it since... well, since I found out about awesomeness and libraries.

Me: But on the other hand, I've been bombarded with the awesomeness that is journalism. Why did I let myself get so freaked?

Me: On the other hand, who wants to spend the first few years of working life LIVING in the office? Especially when I'm planning on taking time to live at home. Let the men live at the office; I like home better, anyway.

Me: But then there's the question of dedication. If I won't dedicate myself in my career, who says I'll dedicate myself to more important matters?

Me: Priorities? Spend your time on what's more important.

Me: You could have left off the explanation and had a killer one-liner.

Me: Tangent. But now for the conclusion: I shouldn't hate life; being at a crossroads (or several, for that matter) is crazy, but a blessing, because it shows what an exciting point in my life I'm at, and I don't like boring, anyway. So I should be grateful.
And just to get the final word: One-liner's are REALLY important to happiness in general. Not.

Me: (I'll let that pass, being the magnanimous person I am.) That's the thing about having so many fantasies about what I could do with my life: if I'm indecisive, and lose one opportunity, I have another one. And another one. And another one.

Needless to say, I probably have some annoyed people who regret leaving their comments on my status in the first place. But thanks to them, I have had yet another small, but fruitful, talk with myself, and am in a better mood to do my take-home final. Yay!
On a side note, I'M GETTING MARRIED IN SIX DAYS!
Yeah, who am I to complain? I've got life so good.

Journalism According to Jon DuPre

For my journalism class, I completed an interview with Jon DuPre, a broadcaster who works for ABC 4 in Salt Lake. Basing my questions off the rubric Dr. Cressman provided, I succeeded in conducting a great interview. I learned many good things and some fascinating bits of recent history.

Jon DuPre was discouraged from following in his father’s footsteps as a lawyer, but he wanted to advocate for people, and so he decided on print journalism. As it happened, he accidentally took a broadcasting class instead of print. He liked the field’s use of pictures and sound, as well as words, so he stayed in the program. His first job was at KTVX in his senior year at BYU. As with other broadcasters, he worked long hours, filled in for others’ sick days and vacations, worked on holidays, and was paid very little for his efforts. But he loved it.

His definition of good journalism is to get the facts, double-source them, then double-check them. More than that, however, it is the responsibility to “tell the story behind the story;” in other words, to explain the situation and what the facts on the surface mean.

In my Communications 101 class, we watched “Outfoxed,” a documentary about the Fox network and Rupert Murdock. The movie’s purpose was to expose what the producers deemed bad journalism. In light of this, and the fact that Jon DuPre worked for Fox News in the past, I asked him what his thoughts were on the subject. “It’s a different sort of company,” he answered thoughtfully. “It has a particular political preference and serves a particular audience, namely conservative Republicans.” As for practicing good journalism, he replied, “I did seek to get the story behind the story, but the stories were supposed to appeal to a specific audience.”

Also necessary for good journalism is serving one’s community. Storytelling has its purpose, Mr. DuPre said, in helping people to make better-informed decisions. “I hope the people who watch are a little bit smarter and better at protecting themselves and their money.” For instance, he covered a story exposing NuSkin as a pyramid scheme in 1992. People were informed, and the company was forced to restructure.

Through journalism, Mr. DuPre feels that he has made a difference, advocating for the people. He told me of a Tooele woman who was charged for the murder of her ex-husband, and that the county attorney was corrupt and inept. He says the woman probably would have been acquitted without the story (her ex-husband was trying to kill her with a crowbar, and she acted in defense of herself and her children), but the attorney might not have been exposed. The benefit of the story was that the county attorney was exposed, and therefore couldn’t harm others in the future. In telling the story, I felt that being able to make a difference was the highlight of Mr. DuPre’s career.

Journalism has its difficulties, however. Due to the economic recession, a news source cannot afford to lose its company advertising, and therefore cannot say things against that company. Also, in order to get the audience interested, news operations have to focus more on entertainment and celebrity gossip, he told me. But why must news people do things they didn’t have to before in order to gain an audience?

He didn’t say this, but it appears that new technology and social media has made it possible for the so-called audience to gather and share news without watching the ten o’clock newscast. I asked him what his views were on the changing environment. “We have to put primary emphasis on posting news and information on the website immediately,” he told me. “The secondary interest is gathering and preparing it for news at six and ten.” That system poses a shorter deadline for verifying sources, and makes the job much different.

Social media has changed the news environment in other ways as well. Because of the internet, people can blog and Twitter news as it happens, making people less inclined to wait for the news report. His reaction to bloggers was simple. “I think that a lot of [social media] is valuable in that it encourages people to communicate, share their stories, share information; but it also allows for a lot of dissemination of misinformation,” he explained to me. “It’s important to know the difference between that and information that’s been validated. I get information from people. I think it’s valuable as long as you know the difference.”

After covering a few of the pros and cons of being a journalist, I asked him what advice he would give to students wanting to go into journalism. He answered immediately, “Don’t.” A brief laugh, and then he continued. “No, I’m kidding. Sort of, but not really. Something Walter Cronkite said, ‘If you’re not willing to do it for free, don’t do it.’ You have to be passionate about it. It’s hard work and crazy hours, and a thankless job, and as soon as you’re finished with your day’s work, you have to start over tomorrow. There’s never a time when you can rest, because news is always happening.”

The words are telling, but what impressed me was how he said them. I could hear how much he loves his job, and that to him it is all worth doing. There was one last word of advice he gave me, though. “Make sure you pay attention to every word Dr. Cressman says, because he is the smartest person in the business. He’s, like, borderline genius when it comes to news.” With the semester over, I wish I would have gotten the interview sooner. However, I have learned a lot, and hope to use the information I learned in whatever I do in my life. I have to love my job, and be willing to put forth the effort and do it well.

Code of Ethics

The season for evaluation has come. My topic for this post is to detail my personal code of ethics in journalism.
A journalist should have his or her first loyalty to tell people the truth. Although money, in many instances, "makes the world go 'round," I believe that people will trust those who have integrity. Not being a journalism major, however, I will apply this to Family History as well as journalism. In order to publish, or give a good report to clients, I must research thoroughly and present things in a proportionate way. In doing so, I will be completing my work with integrity. It frustrates me to see paintings in which people aren't portrayed with their own faces. Writing about someone's family history also creates a portrait; it would not be ethical to portray people in a way that historians, looking back, could date another historian's work by the stereotypical qualities integrated in the history. Newspapers, too, have their stereotypes. For instance, the name "yellow journalism" has significance because of the trend of reporters during that time. If we reported on the news of that era, it would be different, because while the trend of sensationalism still lives, making stories up is looked down upon when it comes to serious news (although fun stories like Bat Boy and Tiger Woods' mistresses are still contrived as junk news).
Due to the history of American journalism, I think that the news today is mainly divided into two categories: tabloid stories and substantial news. Everyone reads tabloids because they are so eye-catching. And if the purpose of writing is to entertain rather than inform, and people know that, I feel it is an honorable way to make money. Mark Twain did it on the radio, and everyone loved it.
Serious news, however, has had a good readership, because highly educated people have typically wanted more bulk and less drama. The honor of news writing is in informing the readers of the world around them. Not interfering with their ability to make decisions for themselves, or providing balanced information, despite taking a political stand.
To apply that to writing family histories, I believe that a historian should avoid tabloidisticity, unless it is a book like "1776 and All That." This is my ethics code, and I hope to fulfill it.

National Debt

So, I'm reading the assignment for my Marriage and Family class, and the section about debt reminds me of a Saturday Night Live skit. I know, some people think putting the two together is a sin nigh unto murder--okay, I exaggerate. But here's my point: this economy is not bad because we're in a war; it's not bad because, according to some people, Obama is the Antichrist; it's not bad because those darn liberals or those darn conservatives are screwing everything up (or maybe it's those darn moderates). While these may be contributing factors, the real issue is this: we're spending more than we earn. We're borrowing money from China, for crying out loud. China, which, awesome as it is in some ways, is selling us lead-laced kids' toys and toxic drywall. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's a conspiracy to take over the world. Maybe it's because we buy it, therefore they don't see a reason to up their standards. Also, we owe them so much money; they've got it hanging over our heads. That can't be good for independent trading, let alone diplomacy or our economy.
So, what should we do about this government debt? I don't know what we can do to decrease it quickly, aside from raising taxes and cutting spending astronomically. And you know people won't like that one bit. In the papers, you hear about all these people who are affected by changes or lack of changes in health care. These heart-wrenching, frustrating stories about people who slip through the cracks and fall through the loopholes, having medical issues sap their lives away, and costing the government more than if they would have been covered for non-transplant-rejection pills instead of another organ transplant. Anyone who reads these articles cannot deny that the government is inefficient, at least in health care if not in other areas.
But we cannot take out our frustrations by laying bitter and vicious blame on the president, or our senators, or anyone else. I repeat, we cannot pin all the blame on our elected officials. We need to get involved and write our senators, and do research and vote. But more importantly, we need to focus on our own spending habits first. As the scripture says, "First pluck the mote out of thine own eye; then thou canst see clearly to remove the beam in thy neighbors' eye."
Thus we come full circle to my point, illustrated in the video clip: don't spend money that you do not have.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/1389/saturday-night-live-dont-buy-stuff
Also useful is the article that got me thinking about it in the first place.
http://institute.lds.org/manuals/eternal-marriage-student-manual/d-e-debt-2.asp